i am determined to face life with less trepidation. i do not wish for the complete absence of it, but for less of it. i'm thinking right now of my basic acting class aeons ago now. and then subsequent performance classes where i would come in, prepared or no, and spill out a monologue or piece with another actor. that was sheer torture at first, i was so scared to mess it up! it had to be right, the first time, and anything less made me sick to my stomach. but there came a point in that first class especially, i recall, where i found a piece i liked, and anchored myself until i got it, and i loved that feeling. it became a part of me, and it felt... right to say what i said, to be the person saying it.
i still have that nasty bit of fear, shyness when it comes to certain things... but the thing God constantly hits me over the head with is: GET OVER YOURSELF! when i forget stefanie, i'm so much better at so many things. when i stop worrying what other people will think and simply do what i need to do - be the character, say the lines, do right, make good choices, be myself - it's amazing how much better everything seems.
when i allow the Spirit to work in me, peace seems so much closer, and life seems not only manageable but sweet. i love the messiness, the hope and the butterflies, the tears and the stage fright that works through my mind and body every day of my life.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
Psalm 139:13-14
4 comments:
Stef-
I had a horrible dream about you the other night and I didn't realize how much it affected me until I read this post...It's amazing to hear how much more focused and happy you are compared to a year... year and a half ago. Miss you terribly.
Chara
the first time I was in charge of planning and "mc"ing Ladies' Day two years ago, I thought I would be so nervous, but then had a discovery. I have built up this wonderful stage presence, almost, as I did devos and spoke in classes, and instead of being completely nervous, it is sort of fun to have everyone's attention and be able to make things happen. And I know that much of my fear was overcome because of being forced into situations like that. The butterflies are still there, but it's more exciting now, than scary. In other words, I sort of understand.
chara, i'm thankful the horrible dreams are no longer a reality ;) you know what i mean. and i'm glad that i seem more focused and happy. i feel it. and i miss YOU! how's nashville?
well, that's sort of the key to everything, isn't it? Forgetting about "me" makes everything else come more sharply into focus. In one sense, life is like a computer -- most mistakes are "recoverable," and look at what is learned in the process!
Keep the faith!
Dad
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