words

words can be so powerful... mom and i have gotten addicted to "lost". a friend loaned me the first season on dvd, and we're half way through it. so many of the characters memories (for those who don't know, the main characters have flashbacks to their lives before they were on the island) center on a phrase or a conversation that impacted their entire lives. some words have particular power... words like NEVER, ALWAYS, NO, YES, I LIED... i wonder what words you're thinking of right now that made you the person you are.

non-apologies

i thought of warning you readers that my last post was kind of dark. i decided not to, because i can't apologize for who i am or what i write... i'm taking a creative writing class right now and, it's becoming a great outlet for me. i'm finally writing steadily -- which hasn't happened in like, a million zillion years. so, from time to time, there will be little exerpts from the deep dark creative mind of stefanie that are a little more polished than my sundry musings... feel free to comment because i'd love some feedback. i've never really written poetry before even though i love to read it. my first fumbling attempts were in my american lit class last year under dr mac (one of my favoritest people) and so i've been playing with it ever since. mainly, it's just a good feeling of relief to be able to WRITE.

not deep enough

The bed is deep
I burrow under the covers,
making a rut.
I nestle my head into a pillow
and try to forget.

The bed is deep
sucking me in
to unfinished dreams and
layers of guilty sleep
where I try not to remember

The bed is deep,
but I still remember
the night you ran off in a
stormy anger and
I
devastated,
swallowed the
whole
bottle

Of Perkaset from your last visit
to the dentist,
I chased it with a glass of wine
and let the tears stream
as I picked up the phone
to call for help

They tied me down as they
pumped
my
stomach,
full of black oozing charcoal--
the little Italian nurse held my hand
and smiled

And when you showed up at the
hospital,
(the next day)
The bed was not deep enough.
It wasn’t deep enough to hide me from you.

negligent of late

well, school has kicked in, and so has my promotion to supervisor at work... needless to say, i've been a little busy. which is good. but i'm soooo tired! i really am enjoying the work right now, however i'm concerned at the moment that i won't be able to maintain this pace when i head to southwestern next semester. at the moment my courses are evening ones, and online gen. eds... manageable with a full time schedule.

hard to say what will happen next this year... i'm very bad at focusing to much on that i'm afraid. at the same time though, if we didn't look ahead, we wouldn't have reason to keep going.