8.24.2005

i love cake

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/comforteagle
i rediscovered this today, whoever did it rocks.

8.19.2005

open

is there such a thing as being too open? i used to say to my husband that when you "opened your mind" to new things that not all new things are good things. i still think that's true. however, there's the other extreme too, where everything one is exposed to goes through so many filters that the impact of, whatever-it-is, is totally lost upon the reciever.

i don't want to be sheltered. i want to make my own choices. i like to have all the facts in front of me. i like to know what others think.

but there are times, when all i want to do is find a cave and wait out the storm around me.

there are times, when i don't know what choices to make, or whether it really matters in the long run what others think.

i'd like to think i'm living my life alone. but the simple FACT is that i am not.

each moment is built on another, each hour of my existence is impacted by the thousands before it, and is unique to me. it is unique. it is not able to stand on its own. i am not alone. but i am.

open up your mind, but don't let the garbage fall in. don't let the poison course through your veins. wipe the blood off your hands lady macbeth... scrub it all out. power is meeted out to us in small portions for a reason.

don't let the garbage fall in, but don't go blind. be wise as serpents and harmless as doves. use your knowledge to build, not destroy. don't use your words as weapons. the words you speak can be daggers, or the tools to build a friendship.

the FACT is, i have large dreams, and a small life. each morning i wake up with the glamour of each dream lingering around my eyes. dreams are powerful, they can pull you into another world or push you back out into the real one.

open up your heart. you can get hurt, but you can also heal. you can hurt, but you can LOVE. sometimes the pain is worth it, and it will not last forever. i have to believe that. no moment stands alone, no injustice goes unseen forever... God is there always. love is somewhere always. love is not always pretty. sometimes it can be harsh and difficult. sometimes, your love will not be accepted and seen for what it is.

don't let the poison creep through your veins. don't let hate and anger dwell within you. they are ugly and destructive companions. they will bring you lower than you ever imagined you could be, and blind you to the good things. nothing is ever the same when you see it through a filter of mistrust and anger. resentment and selfish indignation will only get you so far, and by the time you get there you will be so EMPTY.

maybe it's just about making the right choices, opening yourself up to the right things, and knowing what you want. maybe it's simply a matter of opening your heart to what is good and right and letting God take control. maybe it's about sorting through the garbage the world hands you and learning discernment.

8.18.2005

hello

as you can see from the last three posts, i finally figured out how to use hello to post pictures. yay me! now if i could just figure out how to get my pic on my profile...

today's my first day of class, i start with algebra, yuck. but, it is a means to an end and so i will trudge through it with as much diligence as i can muster. my boss is being very considerate in giving me a lighter schedule this week... but i hope i can maintain a few more hours that the 24 she gave me.

well, i think i'll go shower now. yay for evening classes and days off!!

8.16.2005


stefie and granpa wheat Posted by Picasa

the boys


daddy, ian, chris Posted by Picasa

one night in henderson...


David, Whitney, me and Boo Posted by Picasa

poetry

http://www.poetryinternational.org/cwolk/view/13011

rut

tidying my room today... it's been quite messy for the last two weeks, clean laudry piled on the cedar chest and the bed unmade. there's a sort of hollow rubbed out in the sheet and blankets where i've fallen every night - a little rut.

i hate getting stuck in a rut, metaphorically speaking. even with this new job, and school starting up soon, i wonder how long it will be until i get stuck in some bad habit that keeps me from acheiving my goals. alot of the last couple years of my life were a big rut - more like the kind a dog makes when he's tied to a tree and keeps running around hoping to smell something new.

so far, now sign of a new rut, except in my bedsheets. but i intend to fix that today. =)

8.11.2005

too good to be true

hooptyrides:
http://www.google.com/url?sa=D&q=http%3A%2F%2Fhooptyrides.blogspot.com%2F

btw

i really appreciate comments on my blog... i'm not good at responding to them yet, but thank you to those who choose to say something back =) i've enjoyed it.

je pense que...

ok... don't ask me if that is gramatically correct. it's been five years since i took french, and little words and phrases jumble through my mind at astonishing speeds sometimes... so there's no guarantee that's right...

but i think that it says, "i think that..."

and it's been bouncing around in my head this morning. i've always wanted to be proficient in another language, but never had the patience to get there. i love words and how they're related. even words from two entirely different languages can have connections, historically and emotionally. certain words are attached to the heartstrings of a person... this is goofy, but i think of the disney movie "lilo and stitch", and how i was so moved by that fuzzy little blue thing saying, "lost". it brought tears up from deep down. how odd.

so "je pense..." that it's cool how english and french are connected in that word... "pense" to "pensive"... and of course pensive in english means thoughtful and a little more. more like hesitant, or brooding... and brooding seems tres french to me. =)

i would like to become a master of dialects, and accents and be able to simply slip into a character by picking a nationality. i think it's amazing how a simple mechanism like that, or a costume or prop, or a simple breathing technique and a phrase can transport an actor into another world. we have such power beneath these fragile bodies.

i'm taking general psychology this semester, and i'm eager to learn about that power of the mind... i've always been fascinated by stories of people who achieve great things against greater odds... maybe i'm just a big sap, but maybe it's also because i am awed by the potential we are all endowed with. potential... there's a word for another day.

my baby brother, and my now 21 year old brother are leaving for college in a week or so, accompanied by my parents. seeing ian get ready for his freshman year places me in a mental time warp that's not entirely unpleasant. it's hard not to be excited when you see him planning and dreaming about his first year at university. i think that, the only constant things in life are change and the Unchangeable - God. seeing these young men, my little brothers, cross into a life less shared by family, becoming adults is a reminder of that. and our love for eachother - a gift from the Unchangeable will remain.